Priorities

    Something had to happen to make this trip seem more real, and I got that in spades.

     About ten days ago I bought plane tickets to leave for Morocco on September 3rd, and to return on June 2, 2009.  My expectation had been that I would be able to see myself in Fez once I bought the tickets, and that stronger preparation would soon begin.  But what it has really taken is the nine days since then to convince me preparing should be my priority.

     I want to call the last week and a half a time full of distractions.  I want to say it was time spent getting the most out of a few remaining moments of summer, of living with roommates, of classless college, and of down time in central Ohio.  To say any of those things would be a lie.  To say these were distractions would be a lie.

     A distraction is something that takes your attention involuntarily.  I deliberately paid attention to, committed to, and attempted to follow through on things that should have received no such focus.  In other cases, I deliberately ignored certain realities and responsibilities to others and myself.  

     I have made some people priorities when I was merely their option.  And I have treated some like options when I was made a priority.  When you treat some situations like this, you have to wonder how you will act in other, far more important circumstances.  And honestly, how can you tell the difference sometimes between which are important?  Aren't they all?

     But it can't go without saying that for much of this time, I have gotten many things right.  The bad instances themselves can probably be counted on one hand--it is simply the knowing they have happened and the thinking about them that has filled the void between them and been my focus.

     No more.  Last night I cleaned my room.  I did dishes and took out the trash.  I have made a packing list and a budget for money.  I have thought about what it's going to take to make friends there in Morocco, how to treat personal relationships, and to pursue confident, responsible strides toward getting to know Fez and Morocco.

     Mostly though, I've come to terms with what I should expect from myself.  That's what will make a difference no matter where I go.

     Game on.